“How much do you cost?”
It’s Friday night, and you and your girlfriends are at your favorite Midtown bar/ Chelsea club/ East Village hangout. The music is rockin’, your outfit is bangin’, and you feel like a million bucks. Just as you’re really getting it on, you notice that handsome bloke across the dance floor checking you out with a familiar look in his eyes. Suddenly, he’s sidling up to you, and before you can even judge whether or not you like his cologne, he’s hitting you up with one hopeful question: “How much do you cost?”
Well, not exactly. In reality, the sentence coming out of his mouth is: “Can I buy you a drink?” But is there really any difference between the two?
Variations of this phrase are uttered countless times a night in millions of places across the globe. It has become a common routine in modern culture, yet it seems as though few of us have ever given much thought to the implications behind the proposal. In buying you that drink, your potential suitor is trading his money for your time and attention, elements of yourself not far removed from more intimate things like your body. Sure, everyone does it… but, as our mothers taught us, that does not always make it right.
Prior to the liberated sixties, relationships were usually begun at work or school, or through family and friends. It was rare to even find a woman – single or otherwise – inside a drinking establishment. However, with the roar of the feminist movement at the end of that decade, ladies began flooding into bars and boozing with the boys. Not surprisingly, the boys did not mind. The combination of men, women, and alcohol proved so successful that the trend stuck (although unshaven legs and bra-boycotting did not), and we now have a culture which includes bar-based romance.
Of course, this is all well and good; leaving aside the ‘eye-contact’ benefits’ over the (more often than not) mis-informed swiping right method; I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t enjoy a fun drink and some hot flirtation across the dance floor. Romance and attraction are universal and, one might even argue, essential to the human experience. The real problem lies within the motivation behind the offer of the bought drink, in the implicit assumption that a man must spend money on you to get your attention…. and whatever else. There are a multitude of other ways he could go about showing you that he is worth your time, but somehow we have all been convinced that the only option is for him to buy it cheaply.
How did we end up with this expectation? Biologists would argue that the answer can be found in our genes. Back in the day (the prehistoric one, that is), a woman had a specific and straightforward set of criteria for her mate: he needed to have the strength to provide for and protect a family. Females couldn’t exactly go out on their own to hunt saber-toothed tigers for dinner back then, so males had to prove that they were capable of surviving, with the assumption they would pass on those capable genes to their offspring. The ability to bring home dinner was the number one priority for single cavewomen, and it was this quality that cavemen tried to showcase when pursuing a mate.
Over a few millennia, this demand evolved from basic bodily needs to more material ones. As families moved out of caves and into the suburbs, society mandated that the male half of a couple continue to bring home dinner, now in the form of a paycheck. In turn, women adjusted their criteria from physical strength to financial success. And men started attempting to prove their genetic value by flashing their wallets in our direction whenever possible.
This might have worked for a few hundred years, but when the world finally realized that women also make great employees, our standards should have changed. Females have been a prevalent part of the workforce for over a century. Today, we constitute forty-six percent of the workforce, and a quarter of American women in two-income relationships are the primary breadwinner of the two. Financial success and the ability to provide are no longer necessary conditions in our consideration of mate – we are bringing home our own bacon now, and we can certainly use it to buy our own drinks.
Yet, society still encourages the idea that, if a guy wants to get a girl’s attention, it will cost him.
“A good hunter is someone who’s going to see you, go up to you, introduce himself, and buy you a drink. Nothing is worse than standing at a bar… he’s with his beer.. and you’re like, ‘Why isn’t he talking to me, why doesn’t he offer me a drink, he’s cheap!’
A vast number of women still seem to adhere to this thinking, totally expecting a man to buy them a drink in order to show his interest. We have been brainwashed to anticipate a man to invest something in us if he wants to get to know us better … and somehow we have arrived at the conclusion that an eight-dollar drink is a good option. SERIOUSLY! Aren’t we worth a tad more than that dude?
Because, oh wait, our brains have evolved, too. We may have gotten to this point out of biological necessity, but we are now far beyond worrying about our daily survival in the world. For the first time in the history of womankind, we all have the opportunity to completely disregard physical and financial demands in our consideration of a mate. To top that off, there is absolutely nothing stopping us from taking on the role of the pursuer as well. If we can go after everything else in life that we want, who is to say we can’t do the same romantically?
Ladies, let’s buck the status quo. We have come a long way over the last 50,000 years to get the world to recognize our ability to function independently of anyone else, so why should we insist on perpetuating such a backwards mating ritual? It is time to let society know that there are better ways to start a relationship. The next time the cutie across the dance floor offers to buy you a drink, you could counter with a more neutral suggestion instead: “Thanks, but I’ve already got my own. How about a dance, instead?” Better yet, you could even walk up to that man of interest and start the conversation. That way, he’ll realize that you’re worth more than any dollar amount, let alone a paltry cocktail at the bar.
